Chat Series with Candace Green

I Am Still Here, And It Is By The Grace Of God

Candace Green

Where do I start? I hope that it’s ok to be who I am. I have not had much success in trying to dance to the beat of anyone else’s drum other than mine; so I will stick to my authentic self.

I went down the aisles of my life to determine which testimony to share. God has just been so many different things for me; my challenge is picking one. All of them hold incredible value, as well as major pivots that happened because of the “test, turned testimony.” The one that sticks out the most is where I am presently. This testimony is incomplete, but I believe that some testimonies mature over time.

So here we go.

Anyone who lives in VA or is close to VA will know exactly where I am headed. I am days away from my husband’s one-year anniversary of the Lord deciding to take him home.

This is where I take a deep breath and blow it out!

The energy and courage it has taken to for me to make that statement is draining; however, I continue to speak my reality, and this is the first testimony of this journey. God has given me the grace and fortitude to say things like that and not fall completely apart—anymore, that is.

I would have never thought that now in life, where Honey and I were both walking in God’s beautiful plan and purpose, that the direction would take a hard left and leave only two footprints on the “purposed” pathway. My thought was, “God, you have got to be kidding. You can go ahead and wake me up now…like this is not funny anymore.” Well, I awakened alright, only to find out I was never dreaming. My entire life shattered into pieces so tiny that many of them were just shards of glass. Oh, I had big plans for my husband, family, church, and our “Marry Me” Ministry. My plans were all laid out nice, pretty, and organized. There was no stopping the Green Team! I missed the memo where God has the last say in plans and not those plans we created in our minds that we thought God would just agree to—especially those that he never authored.

I have flipped this situation every way that I could have flipped it to make some type of sense of it, but to no avail. I have been mad, frustrated, angry, confused, irritated, hurt, sad, and any other description that would speak to my loss. I have stayed in that place often, but weirdly enough, still able to handle life, my son, and my church. As mad as I have been with God, I would still get up and thank him that I could still feel the sun on my face, and I could still kiss my son goodbye and pray safety over him before he left for school.

The very same God that I asked “WHY” for four months and could not talk to him for two of those months is the same God that I still worship and trust through this horrible season of my life.

My ability to comprehend what really was or is happening has been hugely challenging. However, God has shown me things about myself and brought out areas of opportunity for my life that I would have never seen before my husband’s death.

One of the many reasons I believe I have been able to live through so many of the most critical moments of this season is because of the many women who stood in the gap for me. I have had support from many different women. There are those who send me daily messages full of life and love. I have had sisters send me prayers and scriptures when I could not pray and read the Bible for myself. I have had sisters and daughters cook and clean for me; play games and go shopping with me; take trips with me; sit and listen to me; send me videos, flowers, books, and any other encouraging things they could find to just lift my spirits. Honestly, I have been shocked at the amount of support that I continuously receive. I have even received testimonies of how women have overcome their own personal obstacles that blessed me tremendously. God continues to show His love for me through his children repeatedly. Any time I get to where I feel like I will be stuck in this place for the rest of my life, God arises in one way or another to remind me that He is with me and will never forsake me. My sisters have shown me that they are true women of God and riders that are with me for the long haul.

In all transparency, in the past I had doubts about the support of a true community, but God is showing me that He has some real agents that He sends to heal the broken and to destroy the yoke of Satan that would keep His people in bondage.

Many times, I have felt abandoned and left out here to figure this all out on my own. That idea was immensely irradicated when God gave me Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

I have to come to realize that the Word of God and the people of God have surrounded me in ways that cover both my son and me. God will allow things to happen, but He never leaves us out there to die. He is waiting for us to trust Him and His plan for our lives.

Trust me, this does not at all scratch the surface of my journey, but I am grateful that thus far, I am still here, and it is by the grace of God.

~Candy